Red Vines and Chewing Gum
by mental dance party
Summary: The story of Kurt and Blaine using six A Very Potter Musical/Sequel references. Rated T because Kurt is a pottymouth and for implied Klaine sexytimes. Bonus fic added. And it's gonna be totally awesome.
1. Chapter 1

**Six "A Very Potter Musical/Sequel" References For Klaine **

i. **"Would you like a delicious Red Vine?"**

As Kurt sat there, ready for his first day at Dalton, in the secretary's office, to receive his schedule.

The door swung open, a dark haired boy taking a seat beside Kurt.

"Hello, I'm Blaine" he said, offering a hand "First day?"

Kurt took it, shaking nervously and said "Kurt. Just transferred,"

"You'll love it here at Dalton" Blaine grinned "They just renovated the restroom in the West Wing. Now the stalls are school colors. I actually sent out a petition for all the restrooms and shower rooms to be colored red and blue. That's why I'm here. I need the secretary to give it to the dean"

Kurt nodded, staring at his lap, trying hard not to say "I don't give a shit, hot dude with three pounds of gel in his hair".

"Hey -" Blaine pulled a package from his blazer "Would you like a delicious - Red Vine?"

"Oh my God!" Kurt squealed, making Blaine laugh, as he took one "Red Vines are like, my favorite snack in the whole world" He chewed along with Blaine.

"Oh - really, now?" Blaine raised his eyebrow "Well, let's try this: favorite Aimee Mann song on three. One, two, three - "

"_Red Vines_," they chorused.

"Color of vines other than green?" Kurt asked.

"_Red Vines_,"

"Favorite way to say 'red wines' in a German accent?" Blaine asked, scooting closer to Kurt.

"_Red Vines_ - OH MY GOD!"

They both shot up, practically attacking each other in a hug

When they pulled away, Blaine asked softly and - were those tears? Oh god they were - brimming his eyes "Where have you been all my life?"

Kurt blushed as red as the Vine in his mouth "In a basement - under our living room" he said, before Blaine pulled him into another hug.

ii. **"Did you get my text?"**

_...let's run away and don't ever look back don't ever -_

Kurt groaned, picking up his iPhone. He glanced at the corner of the screen. It was 3 in the goddamn morning. Oh, a text from Blaine.

"Courage 3 -Blaine"

"What the fuck," Kurt rolled his eyes, tucking his phone under his pillow, still half-asleep.

Five minutes later, there was a knock on the door. "Fuck off!" his roommate groaned. Then the knocks became louder and quicker. "Ugh. Kurt? Can you get it?"

Kurt clenched his fist on his sheets, rising. This was just so stupid. Who the hell comes over, knocks on your door in the middle of the night?

Kurt unlocked the door, opening it abruptly. "What do you want?" he asked gruffly, rubbing his eyes. There he saw Blaine in only a pair of flannel pajama bottoms.

"Did you get my text?"

"Um... yeah"

"Well, you didn't text me back"

And at that moment, Kurt wanted to punch Blaine in the face more than anything. But that would mean ruining his beautiful face so he just slammed the door, turning, then jumping to his bed.

iii. **"Do you think this song could make a girl fall in love with me?"**

"Hey! Kurt! Over here!" Blaine cried across the hall.

"Blaine, hey" Kurt smiled, offering a wave of his hand, which, Blaine took and dragged him to the commons.

"I wanna - I wanna show you something" he said, pressing a couple of buttons in the boombox.

"Shoot," Kurt said "The stage is yours"

"Well, it's for this guy - just this one guy I really, really like, well, _love_, actually" Baine said, not tearing his hazel eyes away from Kurt's aqua ones.

"Wow," Kurt smiled "Do I know hi -"

Then the sound from the boombox instantly filled the room. Kurt knew this song. When I Get You Alone.

"_Baby girl, where you at, got no strings got men attached_"

Kurt beamed at this. He was alone. With Blaine. In the commons. Whilst singing a Robin Thicke song.

"_When I get you alo-oooone_" Blaine sang with this passion so deep that Kurt was blown away, and he was the only one there to witness it.

"So what do you think? Do you think this can make a guy fall in love with me?"

"I think it already has," Kurt replied flirtatiously. He couldn't contain the smiles Blaine had caused.

"Cool!" Blaine shot up, making his way out the door "'Cause this is for Jeremiah from GAP"

iv. **"You, uh, you chew it" (a.k.a What Should've Happened In Original Song... Or Not)**

"Watching you do Blackbird this week... that was the moment for me, about you" he said.

Kurt heart was pounding so hard, he was afraid of Blaine hearing it, because he knew what was going to happen as soon as he finished his impromptu speech.

"You move me, Kurt"

OHMYGODOHMYGOD,

"And this duet..."

_Hie'sgoingtokissmehe'sgoingtokissme_

"...would just be an excuse to spend more time with you"

Blaine leaned in, and whispered "Open your mouth,"

Kurt involuntarily raised his eyebrows. Blaine was really going full force at this.

But it wasn't Blaine's tongue that went in his mouth. Instead they were two sticks of spearmint gum.

"...you - you chew it," Blaine said, shoving two in his mouth too, chewing.

Kurt nodded, doing the same, a confused look on his face.

And they just did that. For the next two minutes.

Then Blaine took it, wrapping a peice of tissue around it. Kurt took it out, putting it under the table. "Open your mouth again," Blaine said.

Blaine came closer, and Kurt's eyes fluttered shut. This was it

Then a small spray of liquid. Wintergreen. Breath spray?

"Exhale," Blaine said, leaning near Kurt's lips.

Kurt let out a breath of frustration, and Blaine said. "Your mouth smells awesome,"

"Okay, um..." Blaine chuckled, placing his hand on Kurt's cheek awkwardly, then finally pulling Kurt in for a tender kiss.

And they didn't exactly know how Kurt was flat on the ground approximately thirty seconds later, breathing heavily and Blaine on top of him.

v. **Everything has its place.**

"No, Blaine, I always sleep on the right side, I'll feel really - "

"Kurt, c'mon, just this once!"

"I'm sorry, Blaine but -"

"DIBS,"

And at that, Blaine launched himself at the right side of his bed.

"Blaine Anderson, you do know that the dibs system only applies to straight guys and bi-curious girls, right?"

"Doesn't matter. I stay on the right"

Kurt sighed. This was going to be useless. He was tired. He wanted to sleep. He wanted to drift off in his dreamland where Blaine was made of chocolate and Mr Schuster was his Yorkshire terrier.

"Whatever. Good night, Blaine" Kurt said, slipping under the covers, placing his head on the pillows as Blaine dimmed the lights ("I've told you about my childhood fear of the dark, right, Kurtsie?")

But Kurt couldn't sleep. No matter how hard he tried. He was too disturbed at the sight in front of him.

In Blaine's computer chair, there was a huge heap of shirts, a couple pairs of slacks, Dalton blazers, boxers and socks.

Kurt seemed to be glaring at it for at least five seconds before he spoke up.

"Blaine?" he said in his sweetest voice.

"Present," Blaine turned to face the back of Kurt's head.

Kurt turned, too, his face inches away from Blaine's.

"Blaine, I understand that you've been single for your entire life," Kurt explained as calmly as he could at that moment, but being utterly repulsed by Blaine's habits, his voice cracked several times "You''ve picked up some habits. Some bad, some... bearable, but I feel really, really... oh, motherfuck, Blaine, that computer chair of yours is like a goddamn landfill. I could puke out every meal I had all week if I stare at it any longer"

"- don't care" he said, batting his eyelashes, which at any other moment, Kurt would've thought to be adorable,

"Everything has its place, Blaine" Kurt said, in a Rachel Berry-like manner "Karofsky has his place. Last seasons have their place. And so. Do. Your. Clothes!"

"Namely, a closet" he grumbled

Blaine just released a tired moan and mumbled "Is it that bad?"

"Yes, Blaine! It is that bad!"

So at that, Blaine stood up and started folding his clothes. "You'll still think I'm sexy after this, right, Kurt?"

"We'll see"

vi. **"So, Cho Chang, I was wondering..."**

Blaine saw Kurt sitting alone on top of the bleachers, writing on his notebook. He grinned at the fact Kurt was still in his Cheerios uniform.

"Oh, there you are!" Blaine grinned "I've been looking for you forever" **(A/N: Come at me, bro)**

"What's up?" Kurt asked, not looking up.

"Well, you know how prom is coming up, right?"

"Ye-ah" This time, Kurt finally got himself to look at Blaine.

'Well, I was wondering if you could go with me"

Before Kurt could open his mouth, Blaine said "Just in case you have trouble making up your mind, you should know that..."

Kurt raised his eyebrow.

"A) I'm Blaine Anderson"

Kurt released a half-smile.

"B) I just beat Rachel Berry at that Leona Lewis solo yesterday"

Kurt smiled fondly, as Blaine moved closer.

Then Blaine leaned in and whispered "And C) Remember when I practically made those girls from Crawford Country Day come in their pants with only my voice? I'm gonna do it with you"


	2. Bonus fic

"Kurt - Kurt! Oh my God, Kurt! KURT. KURT OH MY GOD."

"What? What is it? Holy crap. Is there a fire? Oh my God, did you start it Blaine? Wait that was a stupid question, of course you -"

"Holy crap, Kurt! KURT!"

"Blaine, spit it out!"

"I'm - I'm - oh God -"

"yes?"

"I'm BLEEDING."

"..."

"KURT! Oh my God - OH MY GOD"

"..."

"Kurt - do you see it? Right there, on the inside of my cheek? Holy crap, Kurt"

"..."

"I bit my self, and now I'm BLEEDING"

"Blaine?"

"Yeah?"

**SMACK.**

"You are a moron."

"HOLY CRAP. KURT, I'M BLEEDING AGAIN."


End file.
